Bomb Threat

   Back when I was in high school, there were probably two bomb threats. The drill was always the same; get out of the building as fast as you can, in an orderly fashion, "no cause for panic" -this is after we were told there "might" be a bomb in the school. I always assumed we would get out before it blew, but we never knew it was a drill until we were called back to class. One bomb threat was called in from the school payphone; the kind that you put loose change in to talk. This happened because we didn't live on alert. The plans and contingency plans were very basic, and no one really thought about "What if?"
   There was a sinister shift in American culture in 2001; one could say it was a blind-sided bomb threat that followed through, no drills. The ripple effect of that day has woven itself into our society very deeply, and our losses persist to the present. It's hard to believe that we still have to surround Iran; I meant to say it's a shame that we are half-ass occupying two nations on either side of Iran. The reasons have truly evolved since October 7, 2001. Less than a month after...
   The number of alarm salesmen coming to my door have gone up a certain percentage of made up statistics since then. Our economy has been bleeding internally since then. People don't know their neighbors, for their news channel or crime show, and we all have guns -almost. I live across the street from an "all-American" family. They have four kids and I think they go to church four times a week. The only problem is that daddy is a convicted sex offender. It happened twenty-two years ago, it was an accidental "touch",but he will always live under the shadow of his conviction while we shine the spotlight of his crime on him.
   I found out about him directly from the media; at my door, a local news slueth with a cameraman. He asked me if I was afraid to go trick-or-treating with my kids, or if I was afraid to let them out to play. First off, no, I am not afraid, and if my kids are not in the safety of their back yard then I will be with them. He looked puzzeled -on purpose for dramatic effect- then asked me if I knew that there was an offender living across the street. I didn't know. Then he asked me if that changed my mind about Halloween. No.
   When the news man left, I looked at the map of convicted sex offenders and found my neighbor's address as well as about twelve more in the area. One man that lives three miles from my house is an offender, but it was an unspeakable act that made me glad there is a list for these guys. The difference between my neighbor's crime, and this man who lived up the street was glaring at best, and completely unfair and lop-sided at worst. The news man knew this, but he achieved his "piece" the easy, cowardly way in a subdivision. Why not point out the nastiest one? I will call this one a "bomb threat". Looks like news, but it's only graded by the content that this man wove into it. I did get on the news that night, but my words were edited to sound out of my context.
   Enter Congress. These dudes are the masters of bomb threats. A Senator can stand in front of his enemies, trying to convince them to buy this or that, with the threat of "bombing" the pork out of a bill that has become meaningless even before it's death or passage. Harry Reid told us that Katrina was bad, but Sandy was worse. What did you say Mr. Nevada? Oh, I hear you; it was a bomb threat. Good job Harry. I knew you were an expert on hurricanes, but your science defies even the scholars of weather. They came up with a five-point scale for hurricanes that is obviously flawed, or backward somehow.
   The House has too many people in it, and I detest the majority leader, so I will leave them with their briefcases; yes, they have bomb threats in them. Congress as a whole is in a continual state of bomb threat drills. They are leaving the chambers as quickly as they enter.
   The next bomber, and possibly the "Executive Bomber", does reverse bomb threats. He will convince you that the pretty box he is handing out has cupcakes and cash in it, but when you open it; BOOM! It wasn't a tax cut, it was another bomb, mixed with billions worth of bomb threats. How about the DOD? They don't have to threaten. They have a massive budget that affords them all the bombs they want. Hopefully us lowly citizens will stay on their good side -if they have one.
   The next time you get pissed off enough to call in a bomb threat, know first that it is hard to find a pay phone. Next, don't ever have an actual bomb. Make sure your threat is heard by as many ears as possible, and let them know that your threat will be followed through with. Pick your cause and bomb it. We have hundreds of great bomb threat examples in DC, so there should be no doubt as to how or what your focus should be on.