Forgotten Vows, Broken Promises

Spring is almost here. Winter never puts up much of a fight in the Deep South. It yields like a car to a train. Spring represents new life. Some of us get married, some of us dig in the earth. If only we could keep a Spring mentality, even in the darkest of Winters, we might be able to stay commited. If for nothing else; we might remember the vows we swore at the fiery beginnings of our weddings, or the promises we make and fully intend to keep.

The truth is that seasons do change, and so do our memories. I have been reminded about certain parts of our vows through the years (always gently), and when I hear it I get a sense of relief for the beauty of what we vowed to each other. In our case, the relationship was already built to the point of the vows being more of a confirmation than a beginning. We have attempted to shape our relationship around those words, and for the most part it has served us well. It has been far from perfect, but we vowed to work it out no matter what we "throw" at each other. Yeah, I have said, "I love you" through gritted teeth, and meant it. I won't even start on what she has been through because I am no peach to live with.

I have to take a wild guess here, and say that 50% of couples either forget their vows, or they were smitten to the point of making a foolish mistake when they got married. I can't pick which one it is, but something is obviously messed up. It really is no surprise though; most of us cannot commit to our weight, much less the weight of vowing your life to another person. Commitment must be old fashioned, and obsolete. If only...

What about promises?  It is a synonym for vow. Context is the only difference here. I have made many promises to my girl, and because of that, I have learned the value of the word. When I was younger, I would promise all kinds of things. I always meant to keep the promises, but now I know that they were made flippantly. A few years ago, she let me off the hook when I apologized for the broken ones, and realized that some promises are impossible to keep. I was freed from years of guilt and self loathing; kind of.

Now I have four mini princesses, and luckily I don't throw promises around like I did with my poor wife. She is so gracious. The little ones do not forget. Sometimes it's hard for me to avoid extremes, so I often find myself not saying anything until it is a sure thing. As I am making sure they are all dressed and shoed, I will tell them where we are going. Other times we have to tell them in advance, and I get a little nervous even though I don't say the dreaded "promise" word. Hopefully my skill will increase as I age.

I think the word "promise" is like a hex. When you say it, some force sets up road-blocks that ensure your failure to carry it out. I quit saying it. If that makes me a flake, then so be it. Everyone who knows me knows that I am a bit of a snob, and that I have my self-interests, but I don't strive for perfection. I make commitments instead of promises. It has taken much discipline to get where I am, and sometimes I would prefer to be a flake. I have an inherent right to be a flake because of my musical orientation, and artistic practices.*

The next time you get married, or start to utter that impossible word, think about what it means. A person's heart is a big deal, and hope is too. Failure in either area is crushing, and it effects more people than we could ever know. It is possible to retain integrity through commitment. There is no need to dodge commitment for fear of a let-down. It happens, and it always will. We are only human after all.

*Attempt at humor. I am not a flake by nature, and being one is never intentional.